Love doesn't always triumph, the reality of arranged marriages

I had an arranged marriage like most people of those days. A week after the marriage, we met a Swiss couple, and we were asked the most obvious question that married couples are often asked: “How did you two meet?”

“We had an arranged marriage,” we said in unison.

“My parents replied to the ad given by his parents,” I said truthfully.

The Swiss couple’s mouths dropped open, their eyebrows raised. The concept of arranged marriage was alien to them, but for us, back then and even now, that’s how marriages happen. We considered ourselves progressive because we were both given a chance to voice our opinion about our prospective life partner, something that many didn’t even get.

In India, 90% of marriages are arranged, and 90% are successful—at least they appear so. In India, if a husband and wife are staying in the same house and going out together, it means they are a happy couple and their marriage is successful. Whatever happens inside the four walls is no one’s business and shouldn’t be.

But nowadays, arranged marriages have a twist. The boy and girl meet mostly in the presence of their parents, and if they think they would like to consider the possibility of tolerating each other for the rest of their lives, they take the alliance forward and meet a few more times to gauge their compatibility. Even parents agree that they must meet to get to know each other better.

But the moot question is: where do they meet? In their parents’ living room? In a restaurant, park, hotel, café… where? What about the moral police? In some states, the moral police are so powerful that they have the authority to arrest a wayward couple sitting in a park. Oyo in Meerut has barred unmarried couples from staying there.

So what should this boy and girl do? Play blind in marriage? “Love is blind” is a cliché, but are marriages too blind? Ironically, we think nothing of men peeing in public. All we do is turn our face the other way and turn a blind eye to it.

Most of the content we watch on TV and OTT platforms has vulgar dialogues and obscenity on display. Cuss words are considered rather cool, and if these cuss words are not part of your everyday vocabulary, then you are not a cool dude but an old aunty. At times, the content is so obscene that even married couples can’t watch it in the company of their parents or children. We are okay with that.

Such obscenity doesn’t corrupt our minds, doesn’t disparage our values and culture, but watching a man and woman kissing or holding hands in public will corrupt our minds. Seriously!

Image credits: Internet 

Every Rose has its Day, Happy Valentine's Day for florists

If you love someone, express it either through words or actions, or better yet, both. Valentine’s Day isn’t just about love; it’s about expressing love, and what better way to do so than with roses? Interestingly, this day not only sparks romance but also ignites debates. In some states, it is officially banned. If a young boy and girl are seen together, they may even be jailed. The moral police warn the youth against celebrating this day of love. Regardless of whether one celebrates or opposes Valentine’s Day, for florists worldwide, it remains a highly anticipated occasion. Their livelihoods depend on such events. 

This day—and the entire week leading up to it, often called “Rose Day” by florists—undeniably elevates the humble rose to celebrity status. On Valentine’s Day, a rosebud that typically costs ₹ 10 suddenly becomes five times more expensive. Yet, people in love willingly pay the premium. After all, it’s just one day, and love deserves to be celebrated. 

Love, especially romantic love, is a beautiful feeling—one that makes the world brighter and more joyful. So, why not celebrate it? Whether you believe in Valentine’s Day or not, take this opportunity to express your love with roses. Buy a single rose or a bouquet, not just to show love but also to support your local florist. Let love bloom and make the world a kinder, more beautiful place.

If we want to create a better society, start by changing men’s mindsets

 

A woman can only be truly strong if the men around her empower her. If we want to create a better society, we must start by changing men’s mindsets. 

I sat down to watch Mrs., the remake of the Malayalam movie, but switched off the TV after just half an hour. The film was simply too frustrating - it made me want to pull my hair out. Despite being educated and financially independent, why do women still endure such struggles? This question lingered in my mind, and two days later, I resumed the movie, even though I had already seen the original. Mrs. is a mirror that reflects the pervasive patriarchy in society. What’s striking is how women of nearly every generation can relate to the film. It begs the question: what has really changed about women’s status? The answer, it seems, is that most changes are merely superficial. Today, women may be educated and financially independent, but marriage often brings little real change to their lives. At its core, Mrs. isn’t just about patriarchy; it’s about the conditioning of women. From a young age, women are taught to support men and ensure their comfort, often at the expense of their own needs. A mother perpetuates patriarchy by teaching her daughter to “adjust” no matter the circumstances. A mother-in-law reinforces it by expecting her daughter-in-law to conform to the "culture" of the household—one that revolves around taking care of men and letting them lead. 

Even the popular slogan, ‘Educate a woman, and you educate an entire family,’ subtly places the responsibility of uplifting families on women. But what about men? Little will change unless they change. The real slogan should be, ‘Change a man, and you uplift the entire society - not just the family.’

A woman can only be truly strong if the men around her empower her. If we want to create a better society, we must start by changing men’s mindsets.

Mrs. is a must-watch for men. The script of Mrs reinforces patriarchy by suggesting that societal norms remain unchallenged and unchanged. A more impactful conclusion would depict men evolving or at least recognizing their unfairness toward women. Such an ending would’ve better aligned with the movie's intended message and leave a stronger, more progressive impact on its audience.

Money Talks, Power Walks, Even God takes Note

Money Talks, Power Walks, Even God takes Note 

1953, my mother was a stage volunteer at a program where Jawaharlal Nehru was the Chief Guest. After his speech, as he was stepping down from the stage, she ran after him to greet him. “Chacha ji, bless me that I may follow in your footsteps,” she said, bowing before him. “Beta, it’ll be like this only,” he replied, placing a hand on her head to bless her.

My uncle Ravi, three years younger than my mother, has a similar story to share. Once, as a student, he went to the Parliament House to seek approval for an academic project on Buddhist culture that had been delayed due to red tape. The study required government approval. By chance, he saw Jawaharlal Nehru, the then Prime Minister, in the corridor who walking towards his cabin. Quickly introducing himself, Uncle had the presence of mind to request approval directly from the Prime Minister. Right then and there, in the corridor, Nehru granted the approval.

Listening to these stories, my sons were surprised. “How come the Prime Minister didn’t have any security? What if someone had tried to harm him?” Sadly, today’s generation is unfamiliar with a world where politicians and ministers didn’t need heavy security. Back then, leaders like Nehru were approachable to the common man.

The term VIP has undergone a significant transformation. VIPs are no longer limited to political leaders but include anyone with money and power. The VIP tag can easily be bought. Be it a special darshan at Tirumala Tirupati, Chamundi Temple, Dharmasthala, or elsewhere, there are always two queues—one for commoners and another for VIPs or those who pay for a quick darshan. Even God appears quickly for VIPs, while the commoners are made to wait.

At events like the Mahakumbh, there are separate VIP and VVIP areas, exclusive to the rich and powerful, cordoned off from the common areas. Society has always been divided into the rich and the poor, but the VIP culture, especially at temples and religious places, is further deepening this divide, creating stark divisions between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots.'